Author: idontsleep

a troublesome sleeper who hustles with a camera http://weineversleeps.com/
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My Favorite Chinese RomComs

Best Chinese RomComs

We’re all familiar with romcom classics like When Harry Met Sally and Notting Hill but what about Asian films? While I love Meg Ryan, sometimes it’s nice to watch movies where the characters look like you and aren’t just quirky, supporting characters filing the blonde lead’s nails.

As a certified Chinese Person (thanks, 23andMe), I figured I’d make a list especially since Lunar New Year just passed and we’re coming up on the dreaded Hallmark holiday to shame singles. So here are my favorite Chinese romcoms that would make Bridget Jones shake in her boots.

Disclaimer, I categorized Chinese loosely since some of these may well be Taiwanese. These are movies and don’t include tv series which would be its own list. I also did not include American produced movies otherwise of course Crazy, Rich, Asians would be on this list. Sadly though, that would’ve been a very short list because *ahem* lack of representation in Hollywood.

  1. Hot Summer Days (2010) 全城热恋

If you love an ensemble cast (think Love Actually), have ADHD, or just need some summer vibes, this movie has you covered. It takes place in Hong Kong, Beijing, and Shenzhen. Did I develop a, “Do I want to be her or do I want to date her or both” conundrum with the badass motorcycle girlie? Yes. What am I talking about? Guess you’ll just have to watch.

  1. Love In Space (2011) 全球热恋

Quirky, fantastical, camp. This movie follows the love lives of three sisters. Many of the same actors from Hot Summer Days are also in this one (directed by the same people) and I especially liked Angelababy. Like Hot Summer Days, Love In Space is set in multiple locations including Beijing, Sydney and—you guessed it—outer space.

  1. This Is Not What I Expected (2017) 喜欢你

If you’re Yes chef’ing all over the place, you’ll probably enjoy this culinary movie centered around a frazzled but lovable chef and a perfectionist hotel mogul. It’s a classic haters turned lovers scenario—very fluffy and fun. If you like Pride & Prejudice, you’ll dig this. Bonus, there’s a cute dog and Takeshi Kaneshiro is a complete babe. I don’t know how this man is fluent in both Japanese and Mandarin Chinese but boy does he set my delusional standards high.

  1. Shaolin Soccer (2001) 少林足球

I couldn’t find a non-dubbed trailer so here’s a scene that cracked me up. Ok hear me out, I didn’t just put this movie on the list because I had the biggest crush on Stephen Chow growing up. While Shaolin Soccer arguably falls more under the martial arts/comedy genre, the romance plot-line is quite sweet and heartbreaking at times. Honestly, any of Stephen Chow’s movies would fit the bill of romcom but King of Comedy is also a good contender. Chock full of magical realism, his absurd humor is unmatched and makes me wish I could speak Cantonese Chinese.

  1. In The Mood For Love (2000) 花样年华

Before you come at me for putting this so low on the list, this movie is not a comedy but because it is just SO GOOD, I have to put it here. The story shows how love can be messy, imperfect and not what we expected. It doesn’t sugar coat. It’s a classic and Wong Kar-wai’s moody movies are just a whole aesthetic vibe. And hello, the music???? Iconic.

Of course I’d follow up with Fallen Angels and Chungking Express. Be forewarned, you may want to time travel to the days of qipaos, record players, and chain smoke in Hong Kong after this.

  1. Us and Them (2018) 后来的我们

At this point in the list, I’m just putting movies that don’t fit the romcom genre but because I really liked them. Us and Them will likely have you ugly crying for most of it. It may not fulfill the comedy part of romcom but it certainly checks the box for romantic. In the trailer, it shows one of my favorite lines in the movie: “Happiness isn’t a story, misfortune is.”

Think star crossed strangers à la Before Sunrise mixed with the heartbreaking mistakes of young love in Like Crazy. Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. It looks back at their relationship much like 500 Days of Summer but without the incel “but I’m a nice guy wah wah wah” sob story.

The Chinese title for Us And Them when translated is actually “The Future Us”—which I felt was quite bittersweet. It’s directed by Rene Liu who acted in Hot Summer Days and Love In Space along with the lead actor, Jing Boran. The lead actress, Zhou Dongyu, was also the lead in This Is Not What I Expected.

It poses the question: do you ever stop loving someone who was your best friend—even if you part ways permanently and become strangers again? It’s a good movie to watch when you’re single because it’s a reminder that we wouldn’t be the people we are now if we ended up with the people of our past.

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Fuel

The past few years I haven’t felt like myself creatively so I made it a goal to write more. I’m so excited that a personal essay I wrote and submitted made it into August’s issue of The Sun. I love this magazine because it helps me when I’m dissociating by making me feel more human lol. It’s a monthly ad-free magazine with black and white photography, poems, personal essay, etc.

Anyway, each month they have a “Readers Write” section with a one word prompt. This month’s prompt was “fuel.” My personal essay is online on The Sun‘s website but also in print.

Here’s my unabridged version before it got edited down for space. 😉

__________________________________

I heard the phrase “jiayou” for the first time after my parents sent me back to China to live with my aunt when I was 9. My aunt brought me to her company’s team building event. Before I saw what was going on in the gymnasium, I heard the chants of, “Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou!” Her colleagues were playing a game of tug-o-war. 

Even though Mandarin Chinese was my first language, my vocabulary diminished after moving to California as a preschooler and chiefly consuming Nickelodeon cartoons. I learned English by watching Looney Tunes and Ren & Stimpy, made friends at school in English, and reserved Mandarin for home. Home felt mostly silent and solitary—often the result of struggling immigrant families when both parents worked double shifts to make ends meet. When I was sent back to live in China, I felt the language whiplash again—I realized that I no longer formed thoughts in Mandarin anymore and my vocabulary was limited to whatever I needed to win an argument with my parents.

The Google Translate result for the phrase “jiayou” is utterly underwhelming. It spits out “come on” when the literal translation of the Chinese words 加油 means “add fuel.” Back in the 90s, of course, Google Translate didn’t exist so I asked my aunt why her coworkers were shouting “add fuel/oil” when there was no vehicle or cookware present. They were tugging a rope; surely the addition of slippery oil would be counterproductive? It made no sense—just like the alternate universe I felt I had been plopped in when my parents sent me back to China away from everything I knew. 

“It’s a cheer of encouragement,” my aunt chuckled out a bemused explanation. 

I don’t remember which of her teammates won the tug-of-war but standing on the squeaky gymnasium floor in a foreign country that should’ve felt like home, the chants gave me hope. I felt like that cheer was for the little girl stuck between two cultures.

Keep going. You can make it. Jiayou.

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Everything I know about money, personal finance and investments

Welp, if you’re here you’re probably my friend. If you recall, the reason why I started this blog in the first place was because I am lazy. Instead of having the same conversation multiple times about my favorite plant shops or how I really think you should prioritize mental health, I am able to just make a blog post about it and share link. Efficiency, amiright? And don’t even get me started about automating cat care—although that’s likely to be another post.

She did not want to participate in this concept photo so this was the only photo I got before she ran under the couch. Guess this isn’t an issue that impacts house cats.

Anyway, we have reached that point again, folks. Strap in for my ramblings about financial literacy with the obligate disclaimer that I am not a financial advisor so plz don’t sue me if you lose your fortune. I am by no means rich but simply wanted to share what I’ve learned since there was a point when I had no idea wtf I was even doing. Wealth management can be very intimidating so let’s break down investing (index funds, 401ks, robo-investing, diversified portfolios), high yield bank accounts, credit cards, and financial planning.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, I’m gonna say the obvious.

If you want to be financially well off, the quickest way is to increase your earnings. You can grind, or you can work smarter. No amount of savvy investment (I mean unless we’re talking about sheer lottery winning luck) or frugal spending is going to skyrocket you to better financial standing than simply making more money. Unless you’re willing to take extremes in cutting down your expenses (like moving to a less expensive state), increasing your earnings is the way to go. You’re probably thinking, “Ok dumbass, is your brilliant advice just to make more money? No shit.”

Hear me out—it’s more about having a clear vision of what you want your life to be like so you can make a strategic plan. If it’s important enough to you, you can achieve most things in the realm of reality (short of turning a cat into a dragon or something) as long as you have a plan. For me, I had the clarity that I didn’t want to struggle in my creative pursuits while living in expensive cities so once I knew that, I made a plan for how I would make more money. Having that clear goal sounds simple but it gives you a guide on what to pursue. As a result, I looked up industries and jobs that I was qualified for without having to go back to school and that’s the roundabout way I ended up working in tech. I think I literally Googled “high paying jobs in demand” lol. Don’t underestimate the amount of 6 figure jobs that don’t require racking up tons of student loan debt for med or law school.

TLDR for the lazy friends

  • Have a diversified portfolio of investments (low fee index funds) so you don’t have all your eggs in one basket
  • Invest long term, do not try to “time” the market or buy individual company stocks
  • Max out 401k contributions and do not touch it until retirement
  • Do not treat credit cards as free money. Spend only what you have and pay the balance off in full every month.
  • Review your bank accounts and credit cards to ensure you’re getting the best interest rates to make your money work for you
  • Maximize your income with a clear plan towards a job/career with high earning potential

Ok let’s get to it.

  1. Pay off your debt first—starting with the balances with the highest interest rates. Stating the obvious, do not spend beyond your means. There are exceptions though. For instance, if you have a mortgage with a low interest rate, the money you would make investing it rather than paying the mortgage off early might be better (for instance 3% mortgage rate vs the potential 7% gain you could make in investing that same money in index funds over 30 years instead).
  2. Make rich friends. No, really. There are several studies done by Harvard that show increases in socioeconomic mobility when there are “cross class/race interactions.” Let’s be real, so much of wealth is arbitrary—it’s what were you born into and luck rather than intelligence or hard work. Thus, being in an environment with the privileged, you’re privy to opportunities and ways of thinking you may not have known about otherwise. CHANNEL THE SAME AUDACITY AND RAISE THE BAR. YOU DESERVE TO ADD GUAC OR THAT $500 AUTOMATIC LITTER BOX. But really, think of it this way: if you’re in an environment where the norm is to not go to college, it’s less likely you’ll be around conversations on applications, opportunities, etc. The same goes for money which in itself is a privilege.
  3. Pay off credit cards in full each month and opt for credit cards with rewards. Chase Sapphire is great for travel and if you eat out a lot. Plus, zero foreign transaction fees are great if you travel internationally. If you’re going to buy toilet paper anyway, why not earn points? When I pay for things in cash, I feel like that’s a waste because my money is not making money for me. But back to the toilet paper, you should really get a bidet instead because wow c’mon it’s like we didn’t go through a pandemic or something.
Get credit cards and bank accounts that have no foreign transaction or ATM fees instead of getting money exchanged. Also, wtf all other currency is prettier than US currency.
  1. Traditional banks typically have garbage interest rates and features. Make your money work for you.
    • Do some research (Google “best savings accounts” or something) on online banks like Ally or Wealthfront for savings accounts. Like excuse me 5% interest is pretty dang good compared to the laughable 0.03% interest that Bank of America offers on their savings account. That’s just free money you’re not taking.
    • These banks are FDIC insured so unless you’re a multi-millionaire, the government has you covered if somehow the bank fails. But also if you’re a multi-millionaire, idk why you’re reading this blog unless you’re planning on giving me money.
    • For checking accounts, I would recommend Schwab High Yield checking account since you can actually earn interest on a checking account. Plus, there’s no annual fee, no minimum balance, no foreign transaction fees (clutch when you’re traveling because you don’t have to get cash exchanged), and you can use any ATM without a fee. As the rich do, make your money work for you.
    • Most finance articles recommend having 3-6 months worth of savings in your emergency fund—there’s no reason why that money should not be making you money while being easily accessible (liquid asset, as they say) in case of an emergency. Make sure to invest the rest beyond your emergency funds because you could be getting higher returns.
  2. Do not try to time the stock market by buying and selling individual stocks. This is gambling. If you want to win big you better be ready to lose big too. Also, taxes are higher for short term capital gains (earnings on stocks you’ve held onto for a year or less before selling) vs long term gains. Even when I got stocks through the companies I worked for as part of my compensation package, I sold them all the first chance I got just to take the money to reinvest into a diversified portfolio. The risk is too high when you have so much in a single stock or industry.
  3. Low fee index funds are the way to go. You do NOT need to pay for a financial advisor to invest. An index fund is exactly what it sounds like—it’s a bunch of stocks from different industries. Ever heard of not putting all your eggs in one basket? Well, that’s the gist of this. If one industry (say, tech) or stock does badly, it’s fine because the index contains other industry stocks that may be doing well. Historically, the returns are around 7-10%. If you want some suggestions you can Google “best low fee index funds” or if you’re truly lazy you could just get robo-investing with Betterment or Wealthfront (their fees are minuscule compared to mutual/hedge funds). Warren Buffet made an infamous bet with hedge fund managers that investing in index funds over a 10 year period would perform better than hedge fund managers’ hand picked investments. He won by a landslide—which leads me to my next point.
  4. Long term investments are the way to go. Set up automations for investments and FORGET about it. Do not try to time the market and certainly do not try and withdraw your money when the market is doing poorly (if anything, that’s the time to invest more—I mean, you’ve heard of, “Buy low, sell high.”). You only “lose” if you panic and sell. If you invest consistently, the long term gains will be good—some years won’t be as good but some years will be very good. Long term, the gains are still going to pull out ahead around 7-10% if you have a DIVERSIFIED PORTFOLIO (see above about index funds and not putting all your eggs in one basket). Investing should be boring—set up automatic, recurring deposits and forget it.
  5. Max out on your 401k (especially if your company matches contributions cos that’s just free money you’re not taking). Roth 401k is when you have taxes taken out at the time of deposit rather than when you withdraw at retirement. NEVER TOUCH YOUR 401K BEFORE RETIREMENT. The early withdrawal penalties are not worth it and kinda defeats the purpose of saving for retirement anyway if you’re just gonna withdraw early. Exception being for first time home buyers—you can use up to $10k from your 401k without the early withdrawal penalty but you’ll still have to pay the taxes. When you leave a company, keep an eye on if there are fees associated with maintaining your account—you can always roll over the 401k to an IRA or to your current employer’s 401k. It takes one phone call and isn’t that difficult. JUST DO NOT CASH OUT. And if you have a IRA, don’t forget to choose the funds you want to invest.
  6. Audit your income to expense ratio. Make a spreadsheet of everything you spend your money on on a monthly and annual basis. Having an idea of what you’re spending your money on the most is a great way to see if you can afford it relative to your income and if it’s even worth it to you to continue having that expense. This helps with mindful spending and projections for realistic goals.
  7. ALWAYS negotiate on job offers—whether it’s pay or benefits. Summon the ~ AUDACITY~ Know your worth and do your research on what your level and role goes for. In many states, salary ranges are required in job postings. Websites like Glassdoor, levels FYI and Blind (if you’re in tech) all have real salaries posted. Talk to others about what they make. Discussing pay should not be taboo.

Hope that helps and here are additional resources.

“I Will Teach You How To Be Rich” by Ramit Sethi is a bit obnoxious but it’s a very good crash course on financial literacy. The book is a very quick and easy read—I read it while taking the subway to work. There’s also a Netflix show for it now.

Planet Money is a NPR podcast about economics that I LOVE. They have a series called Planet Money Summer School. I’d recommend Season 2 which is about investing. Plus, there’s a whole episode about the 10 year index fund bet Warren Buffet made with hedge fund managers! They’re half hour podcasts so perfectly bite sized for a commute.

And this one isn’t really about financial literacy but I think it’s good for understanding the world and not to beat yourself up if you’re not where you want to be. “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell talks about what makes successful people, well, successful. Surprise, surprise, it’s having the privilege of being born into the world by wealthy parents. 😀

Idk did I miss anything? I feel like being born to rich parents just about covers it but comment I guess if you have any schemes.

And since you made it to the very bottom, here’s a very old, cringey self portrait that fits this post’s theme.

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i miss new york

the high school orchestra trip i took as a freshman violinist to nyc sealed the deal for me: i decided that when i grew up, i wanted to move to new york. i still remember getting back from SFO airport on the school bus and experiencing this overwhelming sadness. i felt i had been changed forever. from the hole in the wall diners to the jazz show in some random house in harlem to seeing rent on broadway, i couldn’t wait to live that sleepless life in the city of rough edges, unapologetic counter culture and raw creativity.

le tigre and yeah yeah yeahs were my heroes during high school. they embodied the life i wanted—unafraid to speak up about inequality and the things that pissed them off.

i took a detour and moved to london and LA before finally making my way back to new york in my mid 20s. i was there for 7 years—i struggled, i grew, and adopted a new york street cat.

i landed in brownsville, brooklyn when i first moved to new york because i was a dumbass and didn’t know anything about neighborhoods so i spent the first year commuting to practically the end of the 3 train a few stops before new lots avenue. i worked random jobs while freelancing photo gigs when i first moved—working a tiny coat check in a speakeasy in chinatown (shoutout to phil, the funniest door dude who would give me a ride home every night when the bar closed and we’d swing by dough in bedstuy at 4am for free donuts), stuffing envelops at a student loans place in flatiron, and photographing restaurants and live music.

i didn’t know what i was doing with life and i burned out at the startup i was at in LA so i just wanted to y’know, live and figure it out later. you have the rest of your life to work a job you hate so what’s the rush? as “la vie boheme” from rent goes:

To riding your bike (la vie Boheme)
Midday past the three-piece suits (la vie Boheme)

i turned down two full time “career” jobs and opted to just hustle (rip sleep schedule) until i found what i wanted to do; i wanted to be intentional about what i chose to do with my life and figured nyc was the absolute perfect place to explore that if i was down to struggle errrrr…i mean work.

those early days were rough but i went to so many shows from living room house shows to barclays center and always had a group of friends to hang on rooftops with. 4th of julys were always special—there’s nothing quite like new york during the summer. there were nights where we laid flat in the back of a truck driving through brooklyn laughing and watching fireworks go off in the sky or that time we hugged each other watching fireworks to the backdrop of manhattan and frank sinatra’s “new york, new york” playing. everything felt perfect in those moments.

i eventually hustled and ended up working right in the center of times square for my “dream companies” at the time. commuting into times square 5 days a week was far from being a dream though but i was able to enjoy even more of the city not to mention work parties from the 42nd floor of broadway overlooking times square. things weren’t perfect but i experienced so many bucket list items which i’m eternally grateful for. i photographed so many of my favorite bands including the drums on a roof in times square to bloc party in central park which happened to be the last concert i photographed in new york.

i’ve thought of moving back to LA off and on for years but i was finally starting to really love the life i had built for myself in nyc. hell, i even finally bought patio furniture cos i thought i was staying for keeps. i didn’t expect to move back but 2020 showed me that i didn’t really have a reason to stay in new york either. i stuck with new york through the roughest personal experiences. i stayed even though i really wanted to leave new york after my best friend died in 2015 and everything in the city reminded me of him because we were each other’s stand in partners. i stuck with new york through the apocalyptic start of the pandemic. i suffered through getting covid and clapped for healthcare workers down the street at the hospital.

i don’t regret my decision to buy a place in LA and move back but as the semblance of normalcy starts to reveal itself with the vaccine, it pains me to see nyc stir again. it pains me to be away from the ones i love but i’ve accepted that i will always ache for different places. living between the united states, china, england has shown me that a part of me will always love and ache for those places and the people who changed me no matter where i am. i’m forever grateful of how new york has shaped me irrevocably the past 7 years and for the irreplaceable people i’ve met.

i ate a stupid bagel today and it was mediocre and brought to the surface this wistful longing. a fucking bagel and i’m in tears.

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i had a glass bottle thrown at me

tfw you unsure if you just got hate crimed or if it’s just downtown la. 🙃

last weekend someone threw an empty glass bottle at me when i was walking to the vet to pick up my cat from a checkup. i was walking on main st just passing 6th—i looked around, couldn’t see anyone and i was on the phone with the vet so i just kept walking instead of making a scene. it wasn’t until i got home that it dawned on me that it was thrown on purpose (luckily only smacked my hand/wrist). the angle couldn’t have been accidental—it was thrown from behind me and perhaps from above.

i’m wondering why i’m writing about this a week later. ultimately, for two reasons—i want to talk about processing the experience and issues i think need to be addressed tied to racism or mental illness.

it took some time to process

i’ve mostly lived in metropolitan cities—los angeles, new york and london briefly. even growing up, i lived in a fairly liberal part of northern california and partially china (where you can imagine, i didn’t experience quite the same amount of racism but was still ostracized for being american and well that’s a whole other topic). although i’ve experienced racism, typically these cities are more diverse and because you have so many ethnicities and cultures together, it’s more inclusive. sure there are still clashes, but i’m not being stared at like i was when i drove through middle america in my 20s.

because i’ve lived in these “melting pot” cities, it is even more jarring when something racist happens to me because i’m reminded that i’m “other” and don’t belong. i’ve grown accustomed to being relatively comfortable and accepted.

i think this is why when i was just walking on the sidewalk and i had the glass bottle thrown at me, i was surprised and brushed it off as an odd accident only to go home and jump through the cycle of realization that i was actually targeted. this was even more jarring to me because this was the first time i’ve been in downtown la since i’ve moved back to california and i had been nostalgic. i used to work on spring st years ago and had grown to feel a certain amount of affection for the neighborhood despite its problems. it was jarring because it felt like that nostalgia was unwelcomed and returned with hostility. when i got home, it felt like a strange processing of emotions—anger that i only realized now that it was thrown on purpose and anger that i didn’t find who did it so i can discern if it was a hate crime or someone with mental health issues. i was angry and felt like i let myself down by not defending myself because i only realized too late that it was intentional.

mental health, drug addiction, and poverty need to be addressed in america

i know downtown la is shady and it’s only gotten worse during covid. in addition to the glass bottle throwing incident, i was cat called incessantly during my short walk. now, given the area and the fact that i was unable to see who threw the bottle, i’m still unsure if it was thrown because of i am asian or because whoever threw it was not all there mentally.

where is this hate coming from? i can see people who have suffered being angry about their position by responding with hate. regardless if the bottle was thrown out of racism, would this hate be as strong if society had the support systems in place to help those who are suffering so that they don’t displace their hate on others?

i mean, don’t get me wrong—i’m not making excuses for racist behavior. i hate the hell out of people who do shit like this but also i think in order to have a long term change, we need to examine why and the origin of this hate.

additionally, if the bottle was thrown by someone not due to my race but because they’re mentally ill or inebriated, why are they not getting the help that they need? why is downtown la filled with tents and suffering?

i’m fine but angry

i don’t like playing the guessing game of “was it racism or was it poverty/mental illness/addiction?” both indicate a failure within society.

with the rising hate crimes against asians, i hate being triggered like this even if it was not a racist hate crime. and if it was the latter—poverty/mental illness/addiction, it doesn’t lessen how terrible the disparities of wealth and social support available in america are.

luckily the glass bottle didn’t hit my head. it smacked the back of my hand forcefully and shattered on the ground. if i had been able to find parking outside the vet, i would’ve just waited in my car since it was curbside dropoff/pickup only anyway.

i’m angry and frustrated that i had this negative experience but can’t even have closure or clarity on what the experience was—was it racism? was it mental illness or homelessness in la? i’m frustrated that i’m even still thinking about this right now.

i’m not traumatized from this experience since it’s just another drop in the bucket to what’s happened to me and others already. when i was in high school and crossing the street to the mall, some people shouted out of a car “go back home, gook” which honestly, on brand for them to misidentify my ethnicity with a racial slur. i’ve had my hair spit on while boarding a bus in brooklyn—although that incident is similar to this one where i’m not sure if it was due to my race, if i looked like a gentrifier, or if the person was just mentally ill. this is all to say that i’m fine but all these collective experiences have made me really angry. i want to be able to defend myself when attacked verbally and physically but many of these instances i never got a chance to do so. so in addition to the anger, i sit with the guilt of not responding fast enough or processing what even happened until much later.

i wanted to share this not to gain pity or attention but to explain all the complicated emotions that go through experiencing something like this and where i think we need to go to make long term progress.

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a friggin update

it is now 11:14pm as i start writing this post because i’m a huge procrastinator. during winter break, i made a to-do list which included updating this blog that i’ve forsaken for more than a year but can you really blame me considering the current events?

let’s see, a succinct bulleted list in approximate chronological order seems most apt. also cell phone pics sprinkled in because i’m too lazy to look through photos from my real camera.

2019

  • breakup but had wonderful friends/coworkers who put this on my desk the next day
  • found this while eating breakfast and laughed
  • finished invisalign aka mouth prison
  • learned sql
  • learned how to top rope and joined a rock climbing gym
  • went on a road trip around utah and saw bryce canyon, arches, zion national park
  • last broadcast of our radio show as we close down the studio. we started in 2014 and went through 3 studios during this time in brooklyn.
  • started new job at tumblr
  • met one of my favorite authors, augusten burroughs at his reading/book signing for toil & trouble
  • saw moulin rouge on broadway with my mom
  • photographed bloc party at central park centerstage
  • another breakup lmao
  • bought canon 5d mark iv

2020

  • met someone i thought i was gonna spend my life with
  • planned greece trip with best friends (lol cancelled)
  • scheduled a tattoo (lol cancelled)
  • got covid in march before the virus became a pandemic and recovered
  • put together a covid playlist and writeup for brooklynvegan
  • actually rode my bike around manhattan and brooklyn
  • finally made my patio nice with furnishings
  • bought a violin
  • broke up 🙃
  • finally finished dental work including bone graft and implant
  • burned my hand badly making tea like an idiot. you can see it in this video on my cat’s tumblr.
  • finished journal (march 2014 – july 2020) and started on third volume.
  • fostered a kitten and treated him for ringworm. ❤ humphrey found a good home.
  • bought a house (wtf)
  • moved back to la after 7 years in new york
  • became completely obsessed with BTS
  • started learning korean

i’d be lying if i said life feels normal. i’m infinitely grateful for the privileges i’ve had during this last year; i have been incredibly fortunate compared to many.

i think one of the reasons i haven’t posted much here is that i feel overwhelmed. each one of those bullet points could be a post in itself but i need to go to sleep now.

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Tales of a plant hoarder: my new plant acquisitions

This is a tale of plant murder, heartbreak and moving on. My plant tally is up to 30 in my tiny ass apartment and I swore I would stop buying more because I don’t want to become some crazed plant lady—but let’s be real—it’s mostly because I’m running out of space. However, as a creature of self-enablement, when I discovered I killed my pin stripe calathea (RIP, I loved you for two years), I gave myself permission to indulge. Behold, derp faced Wei with one of the new plants.

tales-of-a-plant-hoarder-04

Yes, perhaps this was #toosoon in the plant grieving process and perhaps my sorrow drove me to “just check out” some shops I hadn’t visited in a while. MAYBE THESE WERE REBOUND PLANT PURCHASES BUT I’D LIKE TO THINK NOT.

As if the murder of my calathea wasn’t enough, I suffered from another heartbreak this week. The rare mini monstera (Rhaphidophora Tetrasperma) that I ordered from Thailand came in this state.

It simply took too long to get through customs and make it here. :/ I’m still hopeful I might be able to save parts of it but alas, *cue “Quit Playin’ Games with my Heart” by Backstreet Boys.* Such is the risk though when smuggling plants in illegally.

Reeling from my plant despair, I went to to Tula in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. They have a great selection of rare plants at their airy warehouse location (I’ve been to their pop-ups and truck before which are also stellar). I had to tear myself away from getting the rarer $100+ plants while hoping to find a mini monstera.

Ultimately, I was drawn to this $25 Fernleaf Cactus (Selenicereus Chrysocardium) for its elegant, unique look. I’ve placed it temporarily here on the shelf above my bed but I’ll need to repot it.

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Next, I strolled to Greenery Unlimited (also in Greenpoint) but wasn’t too tempted by anything. Well…I was looking at a $40 hanging Philodendron Brazil to replace my long dead pitcher plant (THEY ARE FREAKIN’ HARD. They require distilled water, always moist and frequently sprayed due to their natural jungle/swamp/humid environment) but didn’t want to pay that much.

I thought that was the end of my plant excursion. I had walked past Peter Pan Donuts earlier and well, I fuckin’ love donuts—right up there with burritos and plants. I made sure to walk past it again since the L is a nightmare and I had to walk to the Lorimer Street Station anyway. I got two donuts, wolfed down one with my iced coffee and continued my journey back home. Then I walked past Screamer’s Pizzeria, did a double take and proceeded to self-enable again with a delicious slice (WHAT?! I ONLY ATE 1 OF THE 2 DONUTS. IT’S OK TO GET A SLICE OF PIZZA). I freakin’ swear to gawd, vegan pizza sounds whack but this place is amazing.

I walked past Xi’an Famous Noodles and ok, give me points for self control. I did NOT stop in (but ok, maybe I already had it a few days before).

Wow, getting off track. Anyway, on my way home with apparently an insatiable appetite, I passed by Soft Opening plant shop and decided to drop in—perhaps cos my brain immediately thought of soft serve and short-circuited. I’m glad I did though because unbeknownst to me, I was on a cactus kick. I got another plant in the same family as the Fernleaf Cactus. This lil Fishbone Cactus (Selenicereus Anthonyanus) with a mystery plant thing (I forgot the name—help me if you know) was already potted for $25!

Nearly to the subway stop, I passed by one of my favorite plant stores in NYC, Crest Hardware. I love this place so much. I found this adorable $8 Philodendron Brazil which was perfect cos I didn’t need the bigger $40 one I had seen earlier in Greenpoint. I dig the coloration of neon leaves. Here it is in a pot I already had (RIP, previous plant that lived in that pot).

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So yeah, perhaps I went on a plant spree out of disappointment. I’ll do what I can to not kill them—starting with avoiding pots without drainage despite putting rocks on the bottom. And hey, at least these new acquisitions weren’t smuggled into the country illegally.

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My mental health journey: medication and seeking help

Welp, I can’t sleep so what better time to write this post than now?

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I’m fairly hesitant about writing on mental health since as I get older, the more wary I am about what I post online. I don’t want potential employers, peers, love interests (oh la laaaaa), etc to develop pre-conceived notions of me. I guess I’m writing this on the chance that it helps someone with similar struggles. These are things I wish I could’ve told myself earlier. Obligatory disclaimer, this is just my mental health journey and by no means a definitive guide cos lol I did not go to med school plz don’t sue me.

Don’t judge yourself for seeking help

I brushed off seeking help for years. As a very analytical, solution focused person, I figured that since I knew the causes of my discontent, I was capable of solving them myself and didn’t need help. I would also compare myself to others and think, “It’s not that bad. You just have to change this or accomplish this and then you’ll be happy.” There are a couple of issues with this approach. Of course it can always get worse. Of course compared to some other people, your life isn’t that bad but if you’re feeling a particular way, it’s valid. Judging yourself for feeling a certain way doesn’t solve anything. Secondly, seeking professional help should not be the last resort. Why wait until things are “bad enough” to seek help? Why make things harder than they need to be? Why wait until the house is burning down to start putting out the fire? It makes no sense. You don’t need to do it alone. You don’t need to feel guilty, self-indulgent, or weak for seeking help. You also don’t need to have a disorder to warrant seeking help—everyone can benefit with some perspective and skills for dealing with difficult situations. Self diagnosis or thinking you can solve your problems alone is often inaccurate. I discover things during therapy that would seem like common sense to most people but I never realized on my own.

Acknowledge the physical validity of mental health

Without getting into details, I’ve struggled with mental health most of my life. As a first generation immigrant, I’ve been in fight mode from an early age to overcome hurdles and succeed. Throughout adulthood, I’ve had to push through tribulations in succession. As a result, it’s very difficult for me to not fixate on the worst case scenarios (hello, catastrophizing) and turn off survival mode. Because I was able to pinpoint specific causes of my frazzled mental state, I denied that there were chemical causes to my mental health. It was only when I had “accomplished” and “fixed” my problems but was still crying everyday that I started to accept there may be chemical imbalances that contributed to my continued depression.

What I’m getting at is that mental health is physical as well. It’s complex and there are many contributors (trauma, genetics, environmental factors) but if you have a chemical imbalance, that is an actual physical thing. I resisted taking medication for the longest time because I thought my problems were cognitive or situational but you have to accept that sometimes there really is a physical issue. If you had other illnesses that were treatable with medication, why would you resist so much? Would you tell a diabetic to refrain from insulin shots? If you had a physical issue like not being able to see far away, would you go through life stumbling into things or would you get a freakin’ pair of glasses or contact lenses? If you’re sinking into an abyss for no reason and your neurotransmitters are strugglin’, help ’em out, ok? The way my psychiatrist explained it, medication and therapy go hand in hand. Imagine a water faucet with two handles—one representing medication and the other representing therapy. As you gradually re-wire your brain/behavior through therapy, you can start to turn down the other handle and vice versa. It’s a balance.

I’m not saying that medication is a cure all, but in my particular case, being medicated allowed me to feel “normal” for the first time in my life. Nothing else in my life had changed other than taking medication but my life was completely different because of it. With that said, don’t get discouraged if one medication doesn’t work out. If one pair of shoes don’t fit, it doesn’t make sense to swear off all shoes forever and let rocks cut up your feet. Sure, there were some drawbacks (dosage initially too high so I was falling asleep during the day) but it has improved my quality of life significantly.

I really wish I had sought professional help earlier and accepted the physical validity of mental health which brings me to the next item…

Prioritize your sanity

Don’t put off seeking help until you’re in full meltdown mode. Don’t tell yourself “It’s not that bad yet” or “I can’t afford therapy.” It’ll be harder to dig yourself out at that point and therapy can be more affordable than you think—many doctors take insurance and there are affordable options a Google search away.

It’s not fun to go through your insurance list, research, and call up a bunch of doctors especially when you’re already feeling overwhelmed but I promise you, you really just have to do it once and then you’ve gotten it over with.

Set aside one night after work to make the list and spend half an hour the next day during your lunch calling up places. You can even use apps like ZocDoc sometimes for scheduling appointments with zero to little fuss. If you really can’t handle it, tell a friend or family member and get them to help. I got to a point in high school when I was worried that I’d try to kill myself again. As much as I hated asking my parents for help and despite their cultural lack of exposure—and really, stigma against mental health (Asian cultures aren’t really the “let’s talk about our feelings” type), they recognized my plea and got me the medical attention I needed. If you can’t seek help yourself, it’s important to let your loved ones know.

Mental health is important and someone loves you even when you may not love yourself.

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How to diagnose and save a dying plant

As someone that has murdered many plants, I shall impart my accidental wisdom. May you learn from my failures, my internet friends and foes. Or don’t, if you relish in being a serial plant murderer. I don’t know your life.

Like any potential murder, let’s start with an ~ investigation ~

EXAMINE THE SOIL

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Just go ahead and stick your finger in there—at least 2 or 3 inches into the soil. Feel if the soil is dry or wet. As someone that gets fancy manicures and grew up in an azn household, plz trust me when I say I freaking hate getting dirt under my fingernails but you just have to do it, ok? You want that $60 monstera you carried all the way back from Chinatown on the train and lugged up 4 flights of stairs to die? Just stick your finger in that soil.

OR top lazy tip—get a soil meter. If you truly hate gauging the moisture level with your fingers (lol hai it me), this nifty thing comes in handy. Also, it measures light and pH levels—without even requiring batteries. WOW IZ SCIENCE.

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In terms of soil moisture, consider the humidity in your space. If the plant is near a heater that runs most of winter, of course the soil is going to dry out. Try to avoid placing the plant near the heater/ac but if you must, keep the humidity in mind.

Are there tiny mites in your soil or plant leaves? O NOES you have an infestation (likely spider mites). This is why I recommend always keeping new plants away from old ones for a while in quarantine to make sure that any potential bugs don’t spread. There are a whole slew of sprays available—neem oil is a great organic solution. For a particularly bad infestation, I’d recommend getting rid of the dirt completely, washing the plant, roots, and pot in a water and soap solution and repotting with new soil.

Wtf, why is there a mushroom growing in the soil? There’s your cue to stop watering so gawd damn much. Fungus grows from moisture. You’re doing it wrong.

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EXAMINE THE ROOTS
O NOES IS THE SOIL SUPER WET even though you didn’t water it recently? I am very sorry to break it to you but more often than not, your plant has root rot.

What is root rot? Basically, it means you loved your plant too much and overwatered it to the point where the roots are mushy and can no longer absorb nutrients properly. Imagine what happens to your skin after sitting in the bath tub for a long time—not a good look, right? Or, another possible cause is that the pot that you have the plant in has poor drainage and the roots are sitting in water. Always get a pot with a hole on the bottom or make sure you have rocks on the bottom of a pot that doesn’t have drainage so that the water can seep through. You can find out definitively if you have root rot by taking the plant out of its pot to examine the roots. There’s not a lot you can do to recover from this but in the past, I’ve been able to save some plants by cutting the roots off completely and starting over again with propagation (more on that in a future post cos I am lazy, sarz). I would say that most of my plant fails have been due to overwatering/root rot.

Another possibility is that the roots have wrapped around the pot—it’s time to repot it in a bigger container.

EXAMINE THE LEAVES

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Are there dry, crispy, brown spots on the leaves? Are the leaves curling inward? Chances are you’re not watering the plant enough. I find that most plants need a good watering once a week and you’re set. Another cause is the light level—double check the recommended light exposure for your plant. It may be crisping because it’s not supposed to be in such strong, direct sunlight.

However, if your leaves are yellow, dude chill out. Now, the leaves can be yellow from either underwatering or overwatering but in my experience, it’s usually from overwatering. Again, repeat the first step of the investigation and check the soil.

Droopy leaves? You’re likely underwatering but this also may be related to the temperature or lack of light. I’ve noticed that my tropical plants (monstera) tend to get a bit droopy in the cold winters next to a window but once the weather gets warmer, it perks right up again.

Is there anything I’ve missed? Is your plant still dying? Sorry I have failed you with this post based on my personal failures. :’)

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Best plant stores in NYC according to Wei

It started 5 years ago. I moved to the concrete jungle from LA and something snapped in my head where I couldn’t stop purchasing (and killing) plants. Suffice to say, I’ve been to a lot of plant stores and nurseries in NYC.

If I’ve sent you this link it is because you are my friend and I am overjoyed to help you and maybe live vicariously through your plant purchases because my tiny ass apartment cannot fit any more plants for the love of gawd. Also, if you’re reading this and you’re my friend I am sorry I started this blog idk I am lazy ok and don’t feel like typing this out every time don’t @ me ok?

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO.

1. DA HING FLORIST – CHINATOWN, NYC

 

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Da Hing
Da Hing

This is my #1 spot, y’all. Excellent selection and the best part? IT’S CHEAP. Chinatown is where it’s at. They’ve got fiddle leaf figs, monsteras and all that Instagram shit without the trendy price tag. It’s family owned which is pretty cute cos sometimes the grandma is there. I took all these photos during the winter so it doesn’t really do their outdoor area any justice. Usually the sidewalk is spilling over with more plants. Plus, they repot and deliver plants!

2. CREST HARDWARE STORE – EAST WILLIAMSBURG, NYC

 

Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden
Crest Hardware & Garden

Huge selection of plants in their greenhouse plus they have a big outdoor section. It is quite overwhelming in a good way walking through. Reasonable prices and I’ve been able to find rare plants here without an extreme mark up. This is also a great spot to find affordable gardening accessories, soil, auto watering spikes for soil, and plant pots. Make sure to say hai to the store parrot.

3. GREEN FINGERS MARKET – LOWER EAST SIDE, NYC

 

Green Fingers Market
Green Fingers Market
Green Fingers Market

Curated, stylish, and so freakin cute. Under the direction of Satoshi Kawamoto (who has a few other locations in Tokyo), this charming spot has an unique selection of rare plants. It is a slightly pricier (hey, it’s not Chinatown or a hardware store) but the service is always so friendly and helpful. Plus, they have a clothing boutique in the back of the store!

4. W&W GROCERY STORE INC – CHINATOWN, NYC

 

This is up the street from my #1 spot and honestly, this family owned place has the best selection of affordable, simple plant pots in the back of the store. They also have a good selection of plants and will repot them for you when you purchase them if you don’t want to deal with the hassle. I bought a giant bird of paradise palm here and they even helped me carry it into a cab.

OTHER PLACES

The Sill – on the pricier side but very helpful/knowledgeable staff. Plus, you can purchase already potted plants which is a perk if you don’t want to repot plants yourself or find a pot separately!

Sprout – are you rich? If so, definitely go crazy here.

 

Sprout
Sprout
Sprout
Sprout
Sprout

Very overpriced plants but their selection is excellent and they have beautiful plant pots, stands, and accessories. I love going to this place but my wallet weeps afterwards. PREMIUM PRICE TAGS, OK. However, sometimes you can find a good deal on smaller plant pots.

Home Depot – you’d be surprised at the cheap finds here—especially if you’re looking for a big palm or Dracaena.

IKEA – same. I found medium sized Fiddle Leaf Figs at the Red Hook location for around $20-$30 I believe. They got snatched up pretty quickly though.

Natty Garden – I haven’t been here in a while since it’s out of the way for me but I hear that it’s great. If you leave near Crown Heights, Brooklyn, check it out and let me know or like invite me with you, idk.